Hey Readers, who would have thunk it, not only do I not get a wiggly red line underneath the word "thunk", but I'm also 3 weeks or so into Australia and haven't been assassinated by any crawly or slithery things, I guess I'm just lucky huh! But also in the local news, we've arrived at our semi-permanent lodgings which will be our home for the next 3 months, and quite the home it is too. We've now also added an extra urchin to our ranks and have recruited Bob to our motley crew, and a fine addition he is too! But to illustrate how we came upon such an acquisition, we have to backtrack to the 15th May when we set off on the first of our many Australasian roadtrips.
WARNING: CUP OF TEA COMPULSORY FOR ANYONE ATTEMPTING TO READ THE FOLLOWING BLOG IN ONE SITTING. RAMBLING MAN CORPORATIONS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INJURIES RESULTING FROM EXCESSIVE EXPOSURE TO WITTY ANECDOTES AND HIGHLY CEREBRAL METAPHORICAL ANALYSIS OF AUSTRALIAN LIFE
The plan was for me and Ben to set off at a fair pace down the 1000km stretch between Brisbane and Sydney to rendezvous with Keegan and Bob in Sydney at an ungodly early hour in the morning of the 17th, and then stroll back up the coast at a leisurely pace back to Brisbane for a bit of budget-cutting themed fun! So to begin with, me and Ben sorted out the renting of a beaten up old Stationwagon ("The Beast") with a boot big enough to sleep in, 280000km on the clock and cruise control (which when applied to Australian motorways equates to just about the finest invention since Penicillin...). Although it is probably the case that a word has never been used quite as loosely as this, the "plan" was set!
The plan consisted mainly of heading South, and then once we had two more people in the car, start heading North, and when I say "mainly" I am actually meaning "solely". So, therefore, the first phase was relatively uneventful. There are (at least) two features of roadtripping around Australia that stand out as being superior in all ways to England. Firstly, the diversity of beautiful scenery means that even on dull motorway drives, you always have something to grab your attention. I don't know what I was anticipating from Australian scenery, but I suppose it was a rather monotonous impression filled with rather dry shrubland with a few foresty areas to accompany the rare stream or river. Instead you're treated to an array of environments from sharp rocky mountainland or waterfall tinged rainforests up to green Hobbitonesque shireland or, of course, the world famous sandy beaches and bays. The second feature that suits itself to this lifestyle is the ease at which we found we could stop up almost anywhere to sleep for the night without the neighbourhood watch calling in a police raid to combat trespassers, unlike in my beloved England. So with little to report on the way to Sydney, I'll jump to the morning of the 17th, 4am Australian time, in the boot of a car somewhere within an Australian National Park. Quite the way to introduce the story's protagonist I feel!
Against all common misconceptions, early mornings actually have more positives than negatives, it just so happens that they have one truly insurmountable negative... Waking up early. But this particular morning was one of those where even that seems to be a worthy detail, as we were driving out of the National Park we saw the morning mist starting to clear over the mountains making way for yet another clear skied sunny day... Not a bad country deep down! We then headed promptly to Sydney Airport to engage in that bleary eyed, yet unavoidably romantic, reunion at the airport. Keegan was the first out, fresh from his business class exploits with no more complaints than a bit of unavailable cereal, but nonetheless a good 12 hours of sleep under his belt. This was in stark contrast to the grizzly prospect of Bob from his sardine tin accommodation with 3 hours of sleep in nigh-on two days of travelling, I suppose it's always nice for the rich to see how the other half live I suppose...
As for the roadtrip... It'll be quite difficult and arduous (for you to read... Not for me to write!) to give you a minute-by-minute account of our 1000km trip up the coast, so I'll rely on the tried and tested method of Match of The Day style highlights with a little bit of tactical analysis along the side (you don't win football matches if you don't score goals!). Keegan had set a brief of a one week progression up the coast, with a few days left over in Brisbane, so we used Bob's newly acquired Lonely Planet to give us a gist of where is worth stopping (By the by, if you want a jolly old chuckle, as Bob why he no longer is in possession of said Lonely Planet...). The first day, we'd picked a village about 50km West of Sydney called Kangaroo Valley, because, well... because you kind of have to don't you? And although the mental image that a valley of kangaroos was probably more at home in a children's book as opposed to real life, we did manage to spy a few kangaroos in our stay as well as a possum or two in the evening, so I'll take that as mission accomplished! On the way we also stopped off at a waterfall that we spied a roadsign for, our expectations were pretty limited which made the experience of turning a corner to a 100 metre Fitzroy Falls all the more dramatic! We then settled down to our first night camping in Australian territory... During winter.... In a valley... With sunset at 4.30.... In thin sleeping bags.... With no winterwear..... It got cold.... Rumour has it that Bob and Keegan lasted until about 3am, with Ben and I sticking it out until about 6 it was these points at which the heater in the car became the flame for some pretty damn cold moths, so lesson learnt; Australia can get cold too! Also as a secondary lesson, I learnt that if you must steal firewood from an enclosed area, make sure it's not home to any goats, as it appears they are animals that WILL charge and at night, in my limited defence, goats are indistinguishable from any other animals, up too and including say, crocodiles... ish.
So, after being so severely spanked by nature, we decided to head to Sydney for a couple of days to maximise our tourist capabilities. I promised not to go on about this too much in the blogverse, but, Sydney is without competition in the "Worst planned city road network" category of the "Cretinous city planning" award ceremony. One way roads that you can't escape from and which end in the middle of nowhere, green lights leading you directly into pedestrians who have been told it's safe to cross, £4 an hour street parking, drivers who haven't been informed of the usefulness of mirrors and indicators and an apparent street sign rationing system that is adhered too all too conservatively... All in all, the car became a burden and I blame no-one else but Sydneyian city planners for this complete incompetency. So there we go, barely a paragraph of ranting, not so bad! Aside from this minor criticism (...) we had a great time in Sydney. The hostel was a 6 story beaute of a hostel, and was a good base for getting out and trekking around the city. We headed to the aquarium on the first morning where I saw a platypus which I have still not stopped going on about since we've left, as well as a whole load of other cool fishy bits and a generally impressive aquarium. One of the best bits was a full underwater viewing tunnel with sharks swimming above, around and under you as you walk through, an experience that I'm sure Bob will remember for many years to come! Of course it wouldn't have been a trip to Sydney without taking a look at an opera house and bridge that have earned moderate levels of fame over the years and, of which, I can confirm are pretty spectacular!
From Sydney, we'd targeted Hunter's Valley as our next stop off. Nationally (and within some circles, internationally) famous for it's vineyards. With around 10,000 acres of vineyard allocated land and an uncountable number of vineyards offering tours and sampling, it seemed like a concrete addition to our itinerary. So, after setting up the tent once again in the heart of wine region, within walking distance of 5 or 6 popular vineyards... We promptly headed straight for the local brewery. Our tour consisted of 6 free samples of beer, a 10 minute talk about brewing methods and techniques and a 5 hour talk about anything and everything else. We even managed to get a sympathy lift from the barmaid to get some food once the temperature of our living arrangements re-dawned on us. However, this time, with a subway nestling nicely in our bellies, a few litres of beer to keep it company and donning the entirety of our wardrobes, the second night was not nearly as bad as the first. We only lost Ben as a casualty to the allure of the car heater, but that's already a 75% increase from last time, so you take the small victories! The next day doesn't even qualify for the double-enter tap I'd need for a new paragraph. We headed for, where else, Newcastle as a mid-point. We stopped off at a couple of beaches on the way over for some football and frisbee action and the holiday makers even got in a bit of sunbathing... Or that's what I think it was at least, I happened to spy some highly reflective shiny white things lying on the beach, so the first instinct was British sunbathers, who knows, I may be wrong. Newcastle was, well, brief. We headed to a pub that promised us some live music, what it failed to mention is that it'd be some of the weirdest and unexplainably odd music on offer. The first set was a 4-piece punk band who, after an hour of set up, took to the stage for a 11 second "noise-set" and then headed for the bar as some roadies dismantled their kit. The second was a 12 piece band of gypsy-blues rock, up to and including a man who went in to the audience hitting a bell and screaming in people's faces. I'm beginning to think AC/DC were a bit of an Australian fluke!
So, from Newcastle we headed on what seemed to be the longest drive I have ever undertaken with destination set to Byron Bay, which I won't insult your intelligence to define, everyone in the world should have heard of Byron Bay... and with good reason! Byron Bay is the finest is hippy surfer beachtowns, and one in which I think I could have lived a long and fruitful life, who knows what the future holds, but I can guarantee Byron Bay is going to make a few more appearances along the way.With another good hostel and some beach football under our belts, we decided it was time for our first goon-experience. For those lucky enough to not know what goon is, from what I've been able to translate from Australian, it's anything with a low enough price so that you can afford it and high enough alcohol concentration that blindness is a seriously contemplated occupational hazard. I'll say from the start, I had an awesome night, met up with a Scottish guy and went on a Stinson-esque wingman run (that one is only understood by those who have experienced the finest TV programme of all time...) and found a damn good bar with affordable beer and cool people. I refuse to turn my blog into a gossip column, all I will say is, there is a chance goon managed to best Ben... Or so the stains on our carpet the next morning suggested anyway. Needless to say, it's difficult to mention goon in his company and not notice the shudder creeping up his spine. At least we can probably guarantee he's not the first (or last) to learn a lesson at the hands of goon.
So, that takes us to Brisbane, which in Australian terms if a short hop from Byron. In England, well, 150km can very rarely be considered "short". And at Brisbane, I hold fire on any more blogging, I fancy there's enough here to cause some serious mental trauma if I write anymore, besides, I've got to hold something back as it's been decided that all travelling is on hold until late September/October time... Ergo, the blogs are coming to a temporary end after the last Brisbane update. If my working life proves to be exciting, I'll take up the digitalised pen and paper when necessary, but for all those out there with jobs... Ask yourself if you'd blog to tell people about your day, and you can see why I fancy the tumbleweed shall soon be descending! Either way, hope the read wasn't too exhausting, but you are now more-or-less up to date with the frivolities of roadtripping. But know this.... If anything truly scandalous happened.... What are the chances of me telling you all about it ;-)
R
